This is an excuse to hit “publish”.
I spend every single day trying not to hate myself, trying to live up to the potential I know I have and usually coming up short. I don’t know if this is because I have high expectations of myself or if I am actually a failure.
I am balls-deep in difficult work for low pay but I console myself by saying to myself that it is important work that is making a difference.
I’m struggling every day to stop the bleeding from the hole in my heart, and to stop myself from trying to accomplish that by hurting myself. I know intellectually that it doesn’t work. It doesn’t seem to matter what I know intellectually.
Life’s hard. I try.