This is not for anybody

This is an excuse to hit “publish”.

I spend every single day trying not to hate myself, trying to live up to the potential I know I have and usually coming up short. I don’t know if this is because I have high expectations of myself or if I am actually a failure.

I am balls-deep in difficult work for low pay but I console myself by saying to myself that it is important work that is making a difference.

I’m struggling every day to stop the bleeding from the hole in my heart, and to stop myself from trying to accomplish that by hurting myself. I know intellectually that it doesn’t work. It doesn’t seem to matter what I know intellectually.

Life’s hard. I try.

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